The Letter-Writing Column
Love Really Is Blind: What the Lonely Hearts Column Knew First
From the newspaper personals to Netflix's pods, some of the most interesting romances begin with words, not looks. A short case for dating without focusing on the physical.
For generations, a lonely heart in search of company did something that sounds almost daring today. She paid for a few lines of small type in the newspaper, described herself in words and waited for strangers to write back. There was no photograph to linger over. A reader fell first for a sentence, a sense of humor, a turn of phrase — and only later, if all went well, for a face.
The lonely hearts column was, in short, dating without the looks. It began with personality: how a person thought, what made them laugh, and how they put it on the page. Whatever happened between the first letter and the first meeting, that part came first.
A wall in place of a photograph
Television has lately rediscovered the idea. Love Is Blind, which premiered on Netflix in February 2020, places single adults in separate rooms called "pods," where they talk to one another through a wall. They can hear each other but cannot see each other, and couples who decide to become engaged do so before they ever meet face to face. Appearance is set aside on purpose, so that conversation has to carry the whole load.
Compare the more familiar format of The Bachelor, which has aired on ABC since 2002. Nothing about it is blind: one lead, a crowded field of suitors, a great deal of evening wear, and a season that often builds toward a proposal in the final episode. Viewers have spent two decades watching televised romance begin with a first impression. Love Is Blind asked what would happen if the first impression were a voice instead.
One need not take reality television as a guide to life — and the Gazette does not recommend proposing to anyone through a wall — to see why the premise caught on. When looks are out of the equation, people listen differently. They notice kindness, curiosity, patience and wit. Some find themselves drawn to a person they might have walked straight past in a crowded room.
What the research suggests
Social scientists have looked at this, in their careful way. In a laboratory experiment published in 2002, Katelyn McKenna and colleagues at New York University asked pairs of strangers to get acquainted either face to face or first through an online text chat, where "gating features" such as physical appearance were absent. The pairs who first met in text liked each other more — and still did after a later meeting in person. Some years earlier, the communication scholar Joseph Walther had described how text-only exchanges can become "hyperpersonal": with fewer cues and more time to choose their words, people can form impressions and a closeness that match, or even exceed, ordinary face-to-face conversation. Neither finding says looks never matter. Both suggest that words alone can do a remarkable amount of the work.
Three kinds of readers
We suspect this idea speaks to three kinds of people. The first wants things the way they used to be: courtship at a human pace, with stationery, stamps and the small thrill of a reply in the mailbox. The second has never quite known how deep a connection can run when it starts with someone's mind instead of their picture, and would like to find out. The third is younger and has, quite possibly, never received a real letter at all.
That third group may be the most surprising. Reporters have noticed a revival of letter writing among Gen Z and millennials — pen pals, snail-mail clubs and lavishly decorated envelopes — and Pinterest's trend forecast for 2026 predicted a "letter-writing renaissance." For a generation raised on instant messages, an envelope that took days to arrive turns out to feel like news.
Words first
A letter is, after all, the original pod. When you write to a Box Number, there is no photograph, no flattering light and no rehearsed small talk — only your sentences and the attention you put into them. Your reader comes to know how you think before knowing what you look like, and you receive the same courtesy in return.
The Lonely Hearts Gazette™, now preparing to open, is built on that idea. Notices are written in words; letters are printed and mailed; photographs and contact details are shared later, and only if both people agree. Until then, it is personality first.
The old saying holds that love is blind. It was meant as a gentle warning about overlooking a sweetheart's faults. Taken literally, it turns out to be rather good advice — and the lonely hearts column knew it first. If you would like to try it yourself, our guide on how to write a love letter is a good place to begin.
Sources
- McKenna, K. Y. A., Green, A. S., & Gleason, M. E. J. (2002). Relationship formation on the Internet: What's the big attraction? Journal of Social Issues, 58(1), 9–31. doi.org/10.1111/1540-4560.00246
- Walther, J. B. (1996). Computer-mediated communication: Impersonal, interpersonal, and hyperpersonal interaction. Communication Research, 23(1), 3–43. doi.org/10.1177/009365096023001001
- Ironmonger, L. (2026, January 8). How this old practice is reviving snail mail, care of Gen Z. The Sydney Morning Herald. smh.com.au
- Sauer, M. (2026, April 30). Gen Zers are making thousands of dollars a month running snail-mail subscription clubs. CNBC. cnbc.com
Love Is Blind is a Netflix series and The Bachelor is an ABC series; The Lonely Hearts Gazette™ is not affiliated with either.
The Lonely Hearts Gazette is a proposed letter-based personals service and is not open yet. This column is general information, not legal, financial or professional advice.